Deja Vu ...

It's almost here. Deployment is rearing it's ugly head again and before you know it, he'll be gone. How am I going to survive? That is the day that my caring, compassionate husband, my support, my shoulder to lean on, my rock, my safe haven leaves me for deployment again. The one who will do anything for me to make sure that my burdens are never too heavy. The man who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty with some housework when all I want to do is sleep. The one who even when he doesn't fully understand the emotion coursing through my body, is always willing to listen. I've got so many emotions running through me these days, that I don't know what to think. I am feeling so stressed and pressured over the coming months that I am becoming paralyzed emotionally. Right now it feels like a 200 pound weight is crushing my soul. How many milestones, anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays are all about to hit in the next 6 months. I find my mind drifting off and wondering "how"? How am I going to do this again? It's half a year for goodness sakes! I married him because I love him and I need him and this just isn't fair that our family has to suffer this way. What am I going to do with out my best friend? My confidant? The love of my life second only to our children? I digress. I imagine the lonely days of his last deployment. How it seemed to never end. How did I manage, how did I cope? Was that a different Dayna? I'm scared this time. I know what to expect and I know how hard it is going to be. Not only on me, but the kids. How am I going to fill in for the greatest dad in the world? Those are big shoes to try to fill. I am trying to stay optimistic and think that we still have {this} many days left as a whole family. Then the glass turns half empty once again and I realize that our days are numbered and before I know it, we'll be dropping Daddy off at work for good. It's going to be so hard on Mya & Mariano. I pray. There are so many things I pray for. Please pray with us. Pray for Rob because it is going to be hard on him too. I am getting overwhelmed with the big picture, and I keep having to remind myself to start small, one step at a time. One event at a time. It’s a hard thing to remember when the mountain seems so high. You look up at the top and think there is no way I’ll ever get all the way up there. I might as well just stay here...One step at a time. Lord, please give me strength.